Patrick Bateman is the global communication manager of Bitcoin Inc. He was a well known and successful banker before he started to work for Bitcoin Inc. This is what he hasto say about recent scientific stady regarding the Bitcoin’s customers.
Mr. Bateman, tell us, did you hear about scientific study concerning your customers?
Yes, I was in the living room with a colleague of mine. We were enjoying music after dinner when he mentioned an interesting subject about some scientific findings. At the beginning, it was fascinating, since it analysed psychological profiles of our customers, which is something we value greatly here in Bitcoin Inc. We want to know our customers and to make them satisfied.
For example, we have recently proposed that customers could use stable coins on our network. We are not sure how that went and how it was received, but we are always trying to improve our product.
Anyway, I was really amazed when I heard that this study is suggesting that our customers are practically psychopaths. Poor Allen, that’s the name of my colleague. He was shocked as well. We couldn’t finish his talk, since he had to go, but I was really devastated when I heard it for the first time.
Mr. Bateman what do you think of this study?
Well, after I’ve checked it in detail, I must say that it is not talking about our customers at all. All 566 people who were included in the study are shitconers, as it turns out. So I would say that the mass media did a lazy job while writing the news, as it is always the case.
Besides, even before my detailed check of these findings, I knew those were not true. We have just finished our annual meetup in Miami and I have met a lot of our customers there. They are wonderful people!
Maybe a little bit clumsy, since everyone I’ve met there has had a boating accident at least once in their lives. And it’s maybe a bit strange because all of them are constantly talking about those boating accidents, but other than that, they seem like normal people.
So what are your next plans, if any?
Well, we were thinking about providing our customers with some specialized boating courses. Hopefully, all our customers will be much safer when they pass those courses.
Mr. Bateman I was asking about study. Do you have some plans about that?
Yes, right!
Well, our CEO, Mr. Satoshi Nakamoto proposed that we organize our independent research here in Bitcoin Inc. We want to find 500 people who are consumers of mass media and to offer them 1 million satoshis to participate in a short study. This study would then tell us what the psychological profile of the average mass media consumer is.
The issue is that we can’t find 500 people for a study. It seems that no one is reading the mass media publications anymore. That is probably the reason why they need to publish such things on Twitter and other social networks. No one is buying the papers or watching the news anymore.
Thank you Mr. Bateman for your time, is there anything you would like to add at the end?
I just want to say that our company is still focused on providing great service to our customers, whoever they might be, even if they eat seed oils, we don’t care. Our miners are working 24/7, enduring all the hard work in order to deliver a freshly minted product to everyone. All our blockspace is full, so demand is there and production is there! We are open for business and we will always be open for business! That’s all that matters in the end.